You determine your future with every decision you make, but what is the basis for those decisions? Who creates this foundation on which you base your life? You are influenced by the world around you, but you can take control of how you respond to circumstances and achieve your goals. It takes effort to overcome obstacles and succeed in your life’s purpose. You must take responsibility for your life to create who you want to be. Here are 7 often overlooked ways you may relinquish that control and mess up your life. If you find your life’s train is off track, get back on. You can change every one of these today, and create a better you.
1. Letting aptitude tests tell you what to do with your life.
When I was teaching public high school, the students would talk about the “abilities” they discovered from standardized tests. I cautioned them to use it as an indicator of strengths, but not a determination of weaknesses. They still discussed surprises about what they were “not” good at, despite my admonitions. I caution you, too. For your own sake and that of your children, remember this story.
When my husband was in high school, they did the usual career testing. His guidance counselor shared the results, and designed his coursework in line with this test. It showed him to be good with his hands, especially prepared to be a mechanic or electrician. This part of the test was right. I have never met anyone more handy than he is- if it is broke, he can fix it. His dad taught him since a young age, so he knows how to build a house, he can wire up any office, he can build a computer from nothing, and fix a car. He enjoys working with circuitry, and these are respectable careers. But that is not his true passion.
He loves to debate. Not to have an argument, and not to create tension (in fact, he is a very adept mediator, and is able to create peace where there is anxiety). But he wants to take the other side, just to see how the discussion plays out. And what does he do for his career? He is an attorney (did the arguing tip you off?). But he almost never went to college.
2. Letting others determine your career future for you.
Do you take advantage of opportunities, or do you spend your time blaming others because you are not where you want to be? Do you feel stuck in your vocation? Make a change. Start a business, go back to school, teach yourself a new skill. If you did not have the best GPA in high school, it does not mean you cannot succeed in college. Consider where you want to be and see what degree or training is required. Then set a plan. Do not let others set it for you. It is never too late to return to school. If you cannot go the traditional route, there are evening and weekend programs, and even online universities (just be careful they are accredited). You can even teach yourself a new skill- you do not have to have formal education to learn. My biggest caution starts with young people. Be sure you keep your options open.
My husband was bored in high school, so he did work-study in order to only attend half-time. He presumed, as most students do, that his career path was laid out in his best interests. Before his final year of high school, however, he realized that his career path would PREVENT him from attending college. Because he showed talent on the aptitude test for physical skills, he was set on a path not for the college-bound. His future was limited because of a test. Luckily, he took the initiative and dared to challenge these results. He thought, what if I want to go to college? He took an extra Algebra course his senior year (with the freshman who took it at the right time), in order to qualify for college entrance, and went on to succeed at a prominent business school. He did great there, too. Too often we as teachers presume that grades are indicators of ability. They are also indicators of interest. He had a GPA just good enough to get by in high school, but outstanding As in college.
3. Rejecting your religion for any reason other than you no longer believe.
If your parents forced their religion on you, get past it. You are not alone. Religion (including the belief in absense of religion) is usually a strong core value and parents most often cannot help but try to share this with their children. As a Christian, for example, I want my children to learn about God and the Bible, and to love it. But misguided parents often shove their children full of rules and regulations without the loving context, and create disdain for their beliefs. People are not perfect. Are you ignoring a tug to believe, or are you bitter to even consider the option, simply because you are upset at how the idea of God was first delivered? Heal your wounds, mend family relationships, get past bitterness, and be sure what you believe is really representative of yourself, rather than a reaction to actions of others.
Have you ever been misrepresented? There are horrible crimes committed by people of every faith and belief system. There are, unfortunately, preachers and teachers of most every value system whose sole purpose is to get your money. When people who tell others about God act against what they say they believe, they misrepresent God. People see this and misjudge who God is. It is not God who is imperfect, but it is the messenger. Are you rejecting religion because of hypocrisy? Guard your heart and use wisdom in where you place your trust, but be sure you do not dismiss God and your religion soley because someone hurt you. Do not give that person the power to steer your spiritual life. Do it yourself.
4. Interpreting rejection as personal failure.
I will be rejected, and I am glad. If I were accepted by everyone all the time, it would mean I have no substance: I would only be what everyone wanted at any given moment. Instead, I am proud of myself, failures and all. Rejection is just one way of knowing that this piece of the puzzle does not fit. Time to move on to the next piece. If you stop trying, the puzzle will never show the masterpiece of art its image was designed to portray. Have you lost clients? Did you get passed over for a promotion? Has a relationship ended? The loss of status, the loss of what you consider success, and the loss of intimacy hurts. In hindsight, you can usually note ways the outcome could have been different. “If only I had…”. Do not berate yourself over the loss, but use it to assess yourself. Can you see an area for change? Then change it and create a better you. Was it just a bad fit? Then pick up and move on. Keep your focus and do not give up, and you will achieve your goals and succeed.
5. Accepting negative messages as unchangeable and true.
How do you encourage yourself? If you listen to what messages you allow into your thoughts, are they positive, helpful, and constructive, or are you sabotaging your success? Treat yourself as you would treat others. Negative messages should be acted on (if you need to change) and then put aside. Think on the positives and focus on how you CAN do it! Your thoughts create self-fulfilling prophecies. Make them great ones.
6. Letting your pride prevent your growth.
How have you grown this year? Are you so confident in your abilities that you are unteachable? If you are a parent, are you finding ways to make your children’s world better? As a spouse, are you working on your marriage, keeping up momentum, or just letting it coast along? It will only coast so far until it loses altitude. Give it a lift. Are you open to personal development? There are always ways to improve, and to be a better you. “Pride goeth before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18. Do not let your pride stop you from maturing.
7. Allowing your habits to control you.
We all have habits. Families develop them together, and then you grow up and continue on, adding new ones along the way. Some are beneficial, and others drain your energy. Are there any negative or destructive habits in your life? You should control your lifestyle. Are you in control of your habits, or are they controlling you? Sometimes you may not realize how much your life would be different if you changed even one habit. Consider it, and be sure you know what your habits are, and how they affect you. Ask a friend if you are not sure. Be sure it is someone who will be honest. You may be surprised.
Become aware of what influences you and how you make decisions, and become a better you.
This list was first posted here.
A very poignant article by a smart person. Very informative and I found a lot to agree with. Well written and a joy to read.