What’s Zapping Your Energy? 11 Surprising Saboteurs

By Carol Sorgen

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Sure, we all get draggy from time to time. A sleepless night here and there, a stressful day at the office, or one too many Krispy Kremes can take their toll. But when you’re constantly feeling drained, it might be time to look at what’s bringing you down. Check out these energy zappers and see how many apply to you.

1. Sugar

Sugar provides quick energy, but after picking you up, it drops you hard and leaves you looking for more, says Debi Silber, MS, RD, president of Lifestyle Fitness Inc. in New York.

One key to cutting back on sugar is having the right food with you so you don’t head to the nearest vending machine. “The best intentions go out the window when you’re not prepared,” says Florida nutritionist Pamela Smith, RD, author of The Energy Edge. Smith tries to make sure she always has healthy snacks on hand, and she advises making sure they contain at least 1 to 2 ounces of protein to keep your blood sugar stable for several hours, combined with a complex carbohydrate to give you a quick boost of energy. Here are a few of her favorites:

• Whole grain crackers and low-fat cheese
• Fresh fruit or a small box of raisins and low-fat cheese
• Half a lean turkey or chicken sandwich
• Plain, nonfat yogurt blended with fruit or all-fruit jam
• Small pop-top can of water-packed tuna or chicken with whole grain crackers

2. Caffeine

Caffeine can also leave us “tired and wired,” Silber says. “If we need sleep and we choose caffeine instead, we continue to throw off our natural sleep cycle. If you find that too much caffeine — whether it comes in the form of coffee, tea, cola, or even chocolate — is keeping you from getting a good night’s sleep, switch to decaffeinated varieties of your favorite beverage (and cut back on the chocolate), says Joyce A. Walsleben, PhD, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at the NYU School of Medicine and author of A Woman’s Guide to Sleep: Guaranteed Solutions for a Good Night’s Rest.

3. Exercise (Too Little or Too Much)

When it comes to fitness, there are two ways to zap energy, Silber says. The first is by not exercising. “Exercise energizes us physically, mentally, and emotionally,” she says. “Without it, we’re naturally more sluggish.” Exercise also enhances our mood by increasing the release of endorphins, a “feel good” chemical that increases energy levels. On the other hand, too much exercise also presents a problem. Overtraining depletes our energy reserves, breaks down muscle, and eventually makes us weaker, not stronger. Overdoing the workouts also suppresses the immune system, which in turn reduces our resistance to bacterial and viral invasion, Silber says. “We’re more vulnerable to illness, which further zaps our energy as a result,” she says.

4. Dehydration

“Most people don’t drink enough water,” says Scottsdale, Ariz., nutritionist Susan Ayersman of Kronos Optimal Health Center. “We need water to flush out toxins, keep our tissues hydrated, keep our energy up.” Water is the perfect no-calorie beverage, and you can dress it up by adding citrus slices or a sprig of mint. But when you want another alternative, try 100% fruit juices (while not necessarily low in calories, they contain important nutrients); nonfat milk, which will give you a calcium boost; unsweetened tea (try herbal or decaffeinated); seltzer water with a splash of juice or slice of fruit; homemade lemonade, with lemon, water, and a small amount of sugar or artificial sweetener; or coffee (again, choose decaffeinated if caffeine keeps you up) with skim milk and artificial sweetener; try it iced in hot weather.

5. Lack of Sleep

If you don’t get a good night’s sleep on a regular basis, chances are, one of these “sleep busters” is keeping you awake, says Joyce Walsleben:

• Stress or anxiety
• Illness
• Noise
• Light
• Overcommitted schedule
• Caffeine
• Alcohol
• Stimulant medications (such as diet pills, cold and allergy remedies, asthma medications)
• Depression or anger
• Fear

To get a better night’s sleep, you need to strengthen your natural sleep patterns, says Walsleben, who offers these suggestions:

• Regularize your sleep-wake patterns. Get up at the same time every day. If you wake up at 7 a.m. during the week, skip the temptation to sleep in on weekend mornings. Avoid naps, unless you take one regularly. Try to sleep the same amount of time every night. Some people need nine hours of sleep every night; some do fine with less. Find out what works for you and stick to it.
• Ritualize your cues for good sleep. Use the bedroom only for sleep and sex. Keep the room quiet, dark, and cool. Get in bed only when you’re sleepy.
• Start a worry notebook. Using a child’s school notebook, on the left side of the page, list the issues that have been running through your mind; on the right side, list actions you can take to resolve those issues.
• Resist temptation. That includes alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine, all of which can interfere with sleep.

6. Attitude

A bad attitude will zap your energy, says motivational speaker Sam Glenn, author of A Kick in the Attitude. Change your attitude and your energy level, feelings, responses, outlook, and perspectives on your situation change along with it, he says. “This one simple choice can transform your life,” Glenn says. “In changing the nature of the way we think and act, we build an attitude force so strong that it will attract favor, opportunities, people, and dreams into our existence.”

7. Clutter and Disorganization

Being disorganized or having clutter in your home can make you feel lethargic and lacking in energy and optimism, says Candita Clayton, founder of Your Life Organized in Rumford, R.I.

Looking for lost or misplaced stuff is a huge physical drain. And trying to remember where things are and all you have to get done on your to-do list is a big mental drain, says professional organizer Jamie Novak, author of 1,000 Best Quick and Easy Organizing Secrets. To cope with clutter, Novak says:

• Give everything a storage place, and put it back when you are done.
• Make a short daily to-do list; when it’s on paper, it’s out of your head.
• Divide a big pile of “stuff” into smaller containers. A few small sorts are easier than one big one.
• Take action. Choose one area to get under control; set a timer for 20 minutes and dive in.
• See a project through. Do not put the mail down, for example; stand over the shredder and sort it right then.
• Love it or lose it! Keep only the items around you that you find beautiful and uplifting. Sort through the clutter, letting go of items you no longer love. This frees up space for all the items you want to have around.

8. Not Enough Food

Cutting back on calories helps you lose weight, but not eating enough can leave you feeling drained, say Alex Lluch and Sarah Jang, authors of Simple Principles to Eat Smart & Lose Weight.

If you maintain a diet that severely restricts calories for long periods of time, your body will have the tendency to go into “starvation mode,” they say. Your metabolism will slow down and your energy level will be low. During times of severe calorie restriction the body tends to store calories as fat and burn muscle as a way to conserve energy. Figure out your recommended caloric intake based on your age, weight, level of activity, and the rate at which you want to lose weight.

Waiting too long between meals can also sap your energy, they add. Increase your metabolism by eating enough calories at regular intervals during the day. Try to have something small to eat every 2 to 3 hours. Avoid large gaps of time without food where your hunger completely takes over. If you skip meals, your body starts conserving energy because it lacks nutrients.

9. Stress

Conflict and stress can quickly deplete your energy resources, say Lluch and Helen Eckmann, EdD, authors of Simple Principles to Feel Better & Live Longer. To deal with stress, they advise, communicate, compromise, and problem-solve. Cope with anxiety and stress by meditating, taking a walk, or breathing deeply and slowly. Keep a journal or diary by your bedside and write down the top issues that are stressing you out that day, says Rose Forbes, co-author of 101 Great Waysto Improve Your Health. “By putting your thoughts on paper, you’re giving your brain the approval to let them go for the night.”

10. Lack of Self-Esteem

Spending all your time pleasing others and trying to fit in can be a big energy zapper, says confidence coach Kathleen Hassan, co-author of Square Peg in a Round Hole. “It takes so much energy to wear a mask to the world … so that others will like you,” she says. “It is exhausting and leaves you feeling utterly powerless.”

Hassan offers these tips for building self-confidence:

• Get to know yourself. Who are you? What makes you unique and different from anyone else?
• Don’t get caught in the comparison trap. Stop comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides. Instead, shift your focus and attention within and learn to become more congruent by having your insides match your outsides. Check in with yourself several times during the day and notice how you’re feeling.
• Affirm your own self-worth. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Affirmations are statements made in the present tense as if they’ve already been achieved, such as: I am worthy and deserving. I make a difference.
• Rid yourself of jealousy. Stop focusing on what you don’t have, and start appreciating the gifts in your life. Jealousy is one of the most negative energies and attracts more scarcity and lack. Gratitude, along with joy and love, is the most powerful energy.
• Learn to love and accept yourself — just the way you are. Know that you’re worthy and deserving of only the best. We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves, and unconditional love has to begin with you.

11. Saying Yes

Spending time doing things you don’t really want to do can be another energy drainer, says Erick Plasker, author of The 100 Year Lifestyle: Dr. Plasker’s Breakthrough Solution for Living Your Best Life-Every Day of Your Life. Do you tend to do things that fuel you? Or do you find that most of your time is spent on activities that deplete you? “Your personal energy inventory is a reality check on where your energy is being distributed,” he says. “I don’t want you to perceive it as a list of problems, or a way to defend why things are the way they are. Instead, it is a way to raise your awareness about where all your energy is going and how to get it flowing back into your life.” Here are some of Plasker’s energy enhancers:

• Quality time with kids
• Reading good books
• Prayer
• Eating healthfully
• Date night with spouse
• Quality time with friends
• Focusing on the positive
• Expressing gratitude
• Massages
• Celebrating special occasions

This article was found on WebMD.  It can be found here.

10 Tips to Boost Your Body Language Skills

This article was originally published on the PersonaDev blog.

We’ve all heard of the many benefits of controlling your body language. It’s been flaunted as one of the many ways to move up through your company, get that girl or guy you’ve been eyeing from across the room, and just increase your overall mood.

What body language really comes down to though, is communication. Sure there are many other benefits of understanding and controlling your body language, but at their hearts, the benefits come from good communication.

This can be attributed to Albert Mehrabian’s 7%-38%-55% Rule of communication. In this rule, words account for 7%, tone of voice counts for 38%, and body language accounts for 55%. 55%! That means that more than half of communication is done through body language!

Here are my favorite tips to enhance the control of your body language and be a better communicator:

1. Eye Contact - To write about all the subtleties and benefits of good eye contact would be enough for its own post entirely. For now, keep in mind the basics: maintain eye contact, but do not stare. This may seem difficult or peculiar at first, but after a few days of consistency, you’ll realize your eyes are one of the best ways to convey emotion, feeling, and to communicate effectively.
2. Arms - Arms are clues to how receptive a person currently is to interaction. Let your arms rest at your sides or move them behind you. Try to refrain from crossing your arm as this is usually perceived as a defensive sign. However, arms work both ways. If you are talking with someone who just said the wrong thing, don’t hesitate to cross your arms and let them know.
3. Hands - Keep your palms face up. Open palms are seen as receptive to interaction and friendly. Hand gestures with you palms facing down can be seen as dominant and perhaps aggressive. Instead of fidgeting with your hands, use your hands to describe something as you talk about it.
4. Legs - For many people, legs are the hardest part of our bodies to control. Be aware of their movement. They have a propensity to move around when we are stressed or nervous, next time you feel your legs moving, make an effort to keep them still. As with arms, crossing your legs matters. There are many ways to cross your legs and although legs have less importance in determining the receptiveness of a person, be aware that the “Figure-Four”, which is bringing up your leg to rest on the knee of the other, is the most defensive stance.
5. Posture - Be sure to stand up straight. Keep your shoulders back and head up. Your spine doesn’t stop at your neck, it travels up and through your head, so be sure to keep your head straight too. Slouching not only makes you appear shorter, but it also portrays you as a person with low self-esteem.
6. Dedicate Attention - As a kind of catch-all, if you are seriously interested in what someone has to say, your body language will project that you are. To really get a grip on your listening skills, check out 11 Tips to Be a Better Listener.
7. Get the Angles - Angles are everything. Be aware that one’s body in relation to another’s is an indicator of one’s feelings about those others. We tend to angle towards people we find attractive, interesting, friendly, and fun, and we angle ourselves away from those we do not. A subset of angles is leaning. Whenever seating restrictions, like stadium seating in a classroom, hinders traditional angling, leaning can be seen amongst a crowd with the same conditions as angling.
8. Smile - Smile frequently, but not constantly. Smile especially when you are introduced to someone, but if you keep that smile on your face for too long, you’ll seem artificial. Laugh frequently, but try to refrain from laughing at yourself. Laughing at oneself is often seen as a nervous maneuver. Be aware of other mouth movements. We often tighten our lips or tilt them to one side when we are thinking. This same pursing of the lips is used when we are trying to hold back a nasty comment. Be aware of this because it will be picked up by others and they will get the feeling you are not happy.
9. Watch Your Distance - Create your own personal space. Let other people know that you have your own personal space and be careful not to invade theirs. Standing either too close or too far from a person is not a good thing. Before you make a decision, observe the average distance between others in the room and pick a distance accordingly.
10. Proactive Mirroring - When two people are talking and getting along with each other, they often begin to unconsciously mirror each other’s body language. You can use this to your advantage by pro-actively mirroring a person to induce a “getting along” situation. For example, if the other person leans forward slightly, you lean forward slightly. If the other person places one hand on her lap, you would do well to do the same. However, give ample time before imitating and don’t be an exact mirror, let some changes in their body language go un-mirrored.

Over all, remember to be patient. Learning and employing these tips successfully and integrating them all to work together will take time. Be patient, practice each one in its own time. Be aware that every person has their own “perfect ratio” of which tips to rely on more, and which to push to the back burner. Practice, practice, practice, and find out which is best for you.

9 Things To Stop Worrying About Right Now

From eggs raising cholesterol to cold weather giving you a cold, Health magazine busts the biggest health myths out there.

Myth No. 1: Drink eight glasses of water a day
In 1945, the U.S. Food and Nutrition Board told people to consume eight glasses of fluid daily. Before long, most of us believed we needed eight glasses of water, in addition to what we eat and drink, every day.

The truth: Water’s great, but you also wet your whistle with juice, tea, milk, fruits and vegetables — quite enough to keep you hydrated. Even coffee quenches thirst, despite its reputation as a diuretic; the caffeine makes you lose some liquid, but you’re still getting plenty.

Contrary to common belief, urine color is not a great sign of dehydration, says Rachel Vreeman, M.D., a fellow in Children’s Health Services Research at the Indiana University School of Medicine in Indianapolis: “If you’re thirsty, you should drink.” But don’t overdo it. Drinking too much can lead to hyponatremia, in which sodium levels fall, causing an electrolyte imbalance that can make you very sick.

Myth No. 2: Stress will turn your hair gray
The car pool, the spilled milk, the deadlines… who doesn’t believe that stress can shock your locks?

The truth: “Too much stress does age us inside and out,” says Nancy L. Snyderman, M.D., chief medical editor for NBC News and author of “Medical Myths That Can Kill You.” It ups the number of free radicals, scavenger molecules that attack healthy cells, and increases the spill of stress hormones in your body. So far, though, no scientific evidence proves a bad day turns your locks silver. “We gray according to genetics,” she says. And, let’s face it, when you do get those gray strands, hair products make covering them a cinch.

Myth No. 3: Reading in poor light ruins your eyes
It’s the commonsense refrain of mothers everywhere — reading under the covers or by moonlight will ruin your eyesight.

The truth: “Reading in dim light can strain your eyes,” Snyderman explains. “You tend to squint, and that can give you a headache. But you won’t do any permanent damage, except maybe cause crow’s-feet.”

Your overtired eyes can get dry and achy, and may even make your vision seem less clear, but a good night’s rest will help your peepers recover just fine.

Myth No. 4: Coffee’s really bad for you
Surely something 108 million Americans crave so much each morning couldn’t possibly be good for you? Wrong.

The truth: Too much may give you the jitters, but your daily habit has a lot of positives. “Coffee comes from plants, which have helpful phytochemicals that act as antioxidants,” says Stacy Beeson, R.D., a wellness dietitian at St. Luke’s Boise Medical Center in Boise, Idaho. One set of antioxidants appears to increase insulin sensitivity, which might explain a lowered risk of type 2 diabetes in people who sip java. A Harvard study of more than 125,000 coffee drinkers found that women cut their risk of type 2 diabetes by 30 percent. Other studies suggest that coffee cuts the risks of Parkinson’s disease, colon cancer, cirrhosis and gallstones. Drinking joe gives your brain a boost, too. And, despite the jolt of energy it provides, coffee has no effect on heart disease.

Two to three cups a day is fine for most people, Beeson says. But if you take your coffee with a racing heart, anxiety or wide-eyed nights, cut back or switch to decaf. If you’re pregnant or low on calcium, talk to your doc about the best brew for you.

Myth No. 5: Feed a cold, starve a fever
The old wives’ tale has been a staple since the 1500s when a dictionary master wrote, “Fasting is a great remedie of fever.”

The truth: “Colds and fevers are generally caused by viruses that tend to last seven to 10 days, no matter what you do,” Vreeman says. “And there is no good evidence that diet has any effect on a cold or fever. Even if you don’t feel like eating, you still need fluids, so put a priority on those.” If you’re congested, the fluids will keep mucus thinner and help loosen chest and nasal congestion. A little chicken soup spoons in some nutrients as well.

Myth No. 6: Fresh is always better than frozen
Ever since scientists honed in on the benefits of antioxidants, the mantra has been “Eat more fresh fruits and veggies” — implying that frozen means second-rate.

The truth: “Frozen can be just as good as fresh because the fruits and vegetables are harvested at the peak of their nutritional content, taken to a plant and frozen on the spot, locking in nutrients,” Beeson says. “They aren’t trucked far distances to sit on grocery shelves.” And, unless it’s picked and sold the same day, produce at farmers markets — though still nutritious — may lose nutrients because of heat, air and water.

Myth No. 7: Eggs raise your cholesterol
In the 1960s and ’70s, scientists linked blood cholesterol with heart disease — and eggs (high in cholesterol) were banished to the chicken house.

The truth: Newer studies have found that saturated and trans fats in a person’s diet, not dietary cholesterol, are more likely to raise heart disease risk. (An egg has only 1.6 grams of saturated fat, compared with about 3 grams in a cup of 2 percent milk.) And, at 213 milligrams of cholesterol, one egg slips under the American Heart Association’s recommendation of no more than 300 milligrams a day. “Eggs offer lean protein and vitamins A and D, and they’re inexpensive and convenient,” Beeson says. “If you do have an egg for breakfast, just keep an eye out for the amount of cholesterol in the other foods you eat that day.”

Myth No. 8: Get cold, and you’ll catch a cold
It must be true because your mother always said so, right?

The truth: Mom was wrong. “Chilling doesn’t hurt your immunity, unless you’re so cold that your body defenses are destroyed — and that only occurs during hypothermia,” Vreeman says. “And you can’t get a cold unless you’re exposed to a virus that causes a cold.” The reason people get more colds in the winter isn’t because of the temperature, but it may be a result of being cooped up in closed spaces and exposed to the spray of cold viruses. Staying warm may not prevent a cold, but staying cheerful might. A study at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh says positive people exposed to cold viruses have a 13 percent lower risk of getting a cold than gloomier souls.

Myth No. 9: Your lipstick could make you sick
In 2007, an environmentalist group, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, had 33 lipsticks tested for lead. Although there’s no lead limit for lipstick, one third of the tubes had more than the limit allowed for candy. That started a scare that spread like wildfire.

The truth: “The reality is that lead is in almost everything,” says Michael Thun, M.D., head of epidemiological research for the American Cancer Society. “It’s all around us. But the risk from lead in lipstick is extremely small.” In fact, lead poisoning is most commonly caused by other environmental factors — pipes and paint in older homes, for instance. The bottom line, Thun says: The risk from lipstick is nothing to worry about.

4 big health whoppers
Most of us want to believe in “miracle” cures. But if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Weight-loss formulas
The National Institutes of Health warns against taking any drug combos sold without U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approval, including herbal mixes that promise big results. “The problem is that many contain stimulants and may be dangerous for people with underlying heart disease, high blood pressure and other chronic illnesses they may not be aware of,” says Marc Siegel, M.D., a New York City physician and author of “False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear.” “And you may not know how much stimulant you’re getting.” It’s far better to ask your doctor about FDA-approved appetite suppressants or, best of all, exercise and watch what you eat.

Arthritis fixes
Copper bracelets, shark cartilage, honey-and-vinegar mixtures, magnets. If only they would cure arthritis. But it just isn’t so, Siegel says. In fact, copper can cause an allergic reaction. Although there’s no cure for arthritis, rest, exercise, heat and drugs recommended by your doctor can help.

Colon cleansers
Colonics have been hawked as everything from a toxin remover to a cancer cure, but they only do what your intestinal system does already. Enemas, laxatives, or passing a rubber tube through your rectum and pumping water in and out can be expensive and dangerous. “There’s no evidence that colon cleansing is necessary,” Siegel says. And experts say long-term cleansing can cause anemia, malnutrition, infection, intestinal damage and even heart failure.

Alzheimer’s cures
Removing silver fillings, zapping your brain with electricity or taking smart pills won’t keep your memory intact, says Stephen Barrett, M.D., a retired psychiatrist who operates www.quackwatch.org. “Reputable drugs for slowing memory loss are only in their infancy. If brain tissue is dead, you can’t revive it with something in a bottle.”

For more information, visit www.health.com.  This article was obtained from the Today show archives.

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

This post was written by the author of Zen Habits, a blog that I read and recommend. Visit it here.

“While I can’t claim to be the world’s foremost expert on relationships, I do know that my wife and I have a very strong marriage, and have never been more in love.

I’ve failed at marriage before, but that’s helped me become better at it. I’ve learned the deadly sins of relationships, and how to recognize them and avoid them.

A reader, newly married, asked me to share my tips on how to make a marriage work. I wish I had a magic formula, but here’s a simple list of tips:

• spend time alone together;
• appreciate each other;
• be intimate often;
• talk and share and give.

But just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
8. Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.”

20 New Uses for Used Dryer Sheets (No Kidding!)

I discovered the most interesting post the other day on Apartment Therapy about new uses for dryer sheets.  I don’t advocate using dryer sheets, in general, because they harm the environment, although I do use them for my especially cling-inducing pants.  I never knew another use for them after they had been used in the dryer, so I was pleased to see this list.  I am not sure if they work for everything listed (as I have not tried them all), but it couldn’t hurt to try, and maybe we can do a little more to help the landfills by re-using products for different tasks instead of using new!

1. Use it to dust your television screen. The anti-static chemicals in a dryer sheet will help to repel dust and lint.

2. Use old dryer sheets to easily wipe up talcum powder, flour, and other messes of this type.

3. Used sheets usually have enough fragrance in them to freshen up other areas in your home. Stuff them in tennis shoes, place them in closets, in laundry hampers and in pieces of luggage — anywhere your house needs a little “refreshment.”

4. Run a sheet over a piece of thread when you’re doing sewing tasks. The thread won’t tangle up as easy.

5. Have pet hair on your clothing? Simply wipe it off with a used dryer sheet! Also works great on cloth furniture too!

6. Keep dust and other contaminants off your glass computer screen by carefully wiping it with an old sheet.

7. Did you purchase some old, musty books at a garage sale or thrift shop? Make them smell good again! Simply place the books in a sealed plastic bag with a used dryer sheet. Allow the bag to sit undisturbed for a day or two, then remove the contents. The musty smell will be gone!

8. Got a problem with mice? Find where they are entering your house and stuff the hole shut with a used sheet. Mice won’t chew through the smelly material.

9. Place a used dryer sheet in the bag of your vacuum. Sweep your house, and, once you’re done, the air will smell as fresh as your clothes do.

10. These wonders of the 70’s are also said to repel mosquitoes as well as other annoying, flying insects. Don’t rub it on you. Instead, stick a used sheet in your belt loop.

11. You can use dryer sheets to clean and polish the chrome on your vehicles.

12. Is there a build-up of soap scum on your glass shower door? Simply use an old dryer sheet to eliminate the mess.

13. Is the interior of your car or truck smelling a little stale? Forget the pine tree on a string! Place a few used dryer sheets under the seats of your vehicle instead!

14. Use sheets to clean and polish the glass lens of your eye glasses. They’re not recommended for plastic lens, though!

15. Is your hair dry and full of static electricity? Gently wipe a used dryer sheet over your head to get rid of it.

16. Dryer sheets make great dusting cloths for your wooden furniture.

17. Help keep dust and other contaminants out of your house. Simply place a used sheet inside every furnace/AC register in your house. Make sure it covers the openings and replace once they are dirty.

18. Keep your window blinds clean longer by wiping them periodically with used dryer sheets. The anti-static properties of the product will actually help to repel dust and dirt.

19. Are your scissors not cutting as smooth as they should? Wipe the blades clean with a used dryer sheet to remedy this problem.

20. Used dryer sheets make great little cloths for quick shine ups in the bathroom and kitchen too. Just use one on each of your chrome faucets and see how brightly they shine!

12 Snacks At 150 Calories

1. 1 medium apple, sliced, with 1 tablespoon peanut butter

2. 3 slices mini pumpernickel bread with 1 slice Swiss cheese

3. 1 packet low-sugar oatmeal topped with a handful of berries

4. Caramel apple (without nuts)

5. 1 chocolate pudding cup with 1 graham cracker square crushed and sprinkled on top

6. Unsweetened green tea with 1 oatmeal dark-chocolate cookie

7. 2 tablespoons low-fat spicy bean dip and 18 baked tortilla chips

8. 8-ounce V8 juice with 1 piece of string cheese

9. 1 trail-mix granola bar

10. 4 whole-grain crackers with 1 tablespoon honey soy-nut butter

11. 12 ounce nonfat cafe mocha with no whipped cream

12. 4-ounce mandarin-orange cup topped with 2 tablespoons chopped walnuts

tips from article in February 2008 issue of Fitness Magazine

10 Get-Fit Tips

1. Move It. Take a walk.  Be active for 30 minutes (three 10-minute sessions are fine) most days of the week and you will reduce your risk for a host of diseases, gain energy, and slash stress.

2. If it Hurts, Stop. Should you ever feel an uncharacteristic ouch mid-move, stop.  Or if you’re super sore for more than a few days, see your doctor.  Trust your instincts, they are usually right.

3. Have fun. Women who train to feel energized or be happier exercise more than those who work out only to look good, a study from the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor found.

4. Ask for Support. You’re likelier to stick with an exercise program if you team up with someone who has shed pounds, research from Brown Medical School in Providence, Rhode Island, suggests.

5. Tone Up. For sexy muscles, do two weight sessions a week, using weights heavy enough so the last two reps feel tough to eke out.

6. Don’t go hog wild. Take two days off a week to recover, and let your muscles repair themselves between strength sessions. (Do cardio on interim days if you like.)

7. Ease In. Always front-end your workout with 5 to 10 minutes of light cardio.  Warming up helps prevent injury and assists you in burning more calories during your session.

8. Do the Talk Test. What’s the right intensity?  If you can chat with your workout buddy but are too winded to sing, you’re moving at a moderate, just right pace.  Keep it up!

9. Cool Down Exercisers who tapered off perceived their hard workout to be less taxing than those who had easier or shorter sessions, a study at Springfield College in Massachusetts found.  The pleasing ending may be what you recall, rather than the tougher get-sweaty part.

10. Mix It Up. Every few weeks, increase the intensity, use different weights or swap in new moves to stay challenged.

tips from an article in Self Magazine

21 Money Tricks for Financial Freedom

This was first posted at dirty rotten scoundrels.

1. Save your loose change in a jar and cash it in at the bank when you have full bags of change. Dimes, nickels and cents soon add up and you won’t realise how much until you save them.

2. Use cash for purchases and leave your cards at home so you’re not tempted to spend on them.

3. Save little and often by transferring $10 or $20 a week into an Internet savings account. It’ll soon mount up.

4. Stick to making purchases in regular stores either in person or via the Internet rather than using credit accounts. It’s much easier to keep track of your spending. Don’t use catalogs in any way.

5. Have a bills account so you can transfer the money for monthly bills straight into there when you’re paid. You don’t have to worry about not having enough then.

6. Choose high interest savings accounts. Why not make the most of opportunities to get money for free.

7. Think of fun things to do at home. You won’t spend money at home but you will if you head out for the day.

8. Sign up to newsletters from websites that publicize free samples that companies are offering. You’d be surprised at how many samples are available and many are full sized so you don’t need to buy those products when out shopping.

9. Write a wish list. If you want anything, put it on the wish lit until you can afford it.

10. Go on a coupon hunt. Magazines will publish coupons on new products so you can save money. You can change your food shop accordingly and save money.

11. Experiment in the kitchen. You can make good dishes for a lot less money than you think. See just how cheap you can cook for.

12. Use a cash flow chart to see where you can save money. The needless expenses are a lot easier to see on paper than they are any other way.

13. Take care of the necessities before anything else. Make sure all of the bills are fully paid up before spending money on anything else. You’d be surprised at how many people don’t do this.

14. Sort out your stuff. You don’t need half of what’s in your home so sort out what you need and want you don’t and sell items that fall into the latter category. Ebay and Amazon are excellent sites to sell stuff on. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
15. Try bartering for goods. Independent stores and market stalls will often meet you half way so you can save money.

16. Use comparison sites to find the best deals on goods you absolutely need. There are many comparison sites out there and you can use them for free so you might as well make the most of them.

17. Choose savings accounts with no ATM card attached to them. If your account has a passbook or is an Internet account then the likelihood is that you won’t bother with the hassle of withdrawing money.

18. Write down every single penny you spend for a week to see how much you spend on extras hat you don’t need. The total and shopping list may shock you into considering your sending habits.

19. Walk wherever you can. You’ll be surprised at how much you spend on gas or other transportation for short journeys that you could easily walk to.

20. Recycle anything you can – foil, bottles, jars, clothes and so on. Many people will pass this off as being skanky but it’s just sensible… and frugal. The savings will mount up, and if you don’t believe me keep a diary of the things you reuse over the course of a few months. You’ll soon see what I mean.

21. Make sure the whole house is on board. This is a must because if one person sticks to a new saving regime and the rest of the members of the household don’t then it won’t work.

20 Ways You Can Be the Change You Wish to See

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” -Mahatmas Ghandi

Here are some ways to start now:

1. Be nice to people. See how positive energy attracts positive energy. Also see how one smile to a stranger can brighten both of your days.

2. Take responsibility for your actions and stop making excuses.

3. Make a donation and see how giving spreads positive energy and love. And often in giving to others, you will find you give more to yourself in the long run.

4. Love and appreciate your body and get rid of hang-ups and negative associations you have with your body.

5. Eat organic foods as much as possible and understand that natural foods treat the body and the planet as they were originally intended.

6. Plant trees. Spread clean air throughout the world by donating or planting trees. We need trees in our ecosystem. Plants keep us breathing by providing us with oxygen and by removing carbon dioxide from our environment.

7. Conserve water. Turn it off while you brush your teeth. Take quicker showers. Use a lower-water setting on your washing machine when washing a small load (or only wash regular-sized loads). Don’t water your lawn on days it rains (what a waste of water AND money!).

8. Recycle. Most communities even provide free recycle bins and a pick-up service right from your curb. If not, you can probably find recycling centers at local community parks or fire stations. The offset to the landfills and environment are worth the small extra effort it takes to throw that plastic bottle into a recycling bin instead of the trash can.

9. Buy “Energy Star” appliances and save a ton of energy with everyday activities.

10. Donate a book you bought and are done reading to the library or you can donate it to BookCrossing.

11. Leave something to charity in your will.  No one likes to talk about it, but one day we will all be wishing we had made our will sooner (or worst case scenario, someone else will be wishing you had).  Write yours up now and in it leave something to a cause you care about whether it is AIDS orphans, the American Cancer Society, or the ASPCA.  Make the world better even after you’re gone!   What a great gift!

12. Visit FreeRice.com and for every question you answer correctly, they donate 20 grains of rice to the UN World Food Programme to help end hunger.  Boost your brain power and help starving people!  It’s a win-win!

13. If you have flowers in your garden, share them with someone else.  Give a bunch to an elderly neighbor or to a friend going through a “rough time”.  Give some to your significant other “just because” and watch as their whole day brightens.

14. If you provide some kind of professional service, offer it for FREE once a week to someone who needs it.  You read that correctly- for free.  Free dental cleaning; free house cleaning; free meal at your restaurant; free accounting service.  Let your profession be your way of giving.

15. Send a note of appreciation to your local police department or fire house.  That doesn’t happen nearly enough.

16. Donate your obsolete cell phones to a Battered Women’s Shelter.  They can still be used to make 911 calls- giving a lifeline to someone who may desperately need it.

17. Have a garage sale and donate the proceeds to charity.  You will clean out your clutter and help an organization who needs it.

18. Volunteer to read or play games with children in your local hospital.  They will remember your kindness and may grow up to repay that kindness by doing the same for someone else.

19. Paint over violent graffiti.

20. Search for ways to compliment every day.  Did the waitress do a great job?  Tell her so.  Let the dry cleaning attendant know they have a great smile.  Tell a shop owner you notice how clean and neat they keep their store.  Look for ways to make people feel special and good about themselves.  Plus, the more recognition someone receives for doing a great job, the harder they work to keep the compliments coming because someone is noticing their efforts!

These ideas came from several places off of the internet.  Two such places are We the Change and Together We Can Change the World Publishing.

21 Quotes on AD/HD

Ever wanted to get inside the head of someone with A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) or AD/HD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)? These quotes come directly from people who have A.D.D. or AD/HD or care for someone who does. It is a light-hearted way of looking at a frustrating disorder. They are taken from the book, Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD: Beyond Piles, Palms, and Post-Its by Terry Matlen, M.S.W., a book I highly recommend.

Doctor: “Are you indecisive?”

Patient, turning to her husband, “I’m not indecisive, am I?”

When a mom is asked how she knows her 20-year-old college student is inattentive, she answers, “She stops at green lights.”

“My brain is like a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle.” -Woman with AD/HD

“She has a piling system, not a filing system.” -Husband of an AD/HD woman

“I talk so fast sometimes I say things I haven’t thought of yet.” -Businesswoman

“I get to the end of paragraphs more.” -Newly treated AD/HD college student

“It’s like there’s no background noise; it’s all foreground noise.” - 28-year-old mother

“I even lose interest in the stuff I’m interested in.” - a 24-year-old college student

“I’ve got piles and piles of piles in piles.” -Businesswoman

Regarding coordination: “I trip over lint.” -Security system worker

“I have moments of clarity in my world of obscurity.” -38-year-old woman

“I have the want-to; I just don’t have the stick-to.” - 35-year-old AD/HD patient

Doctor: “Are you much of a packrat?”

Patient: “I save dust.”

“Pardon me, doc; I was just doing a little brainsurfing.” -AD/HD teenager

“I think I know what I want to do, and then the committee in my head starts talking.” -Dental assistant

“There are days when I work and days when I try to work.” -College professor

“When I zone out, my brain goes to ADDland, and my body goes to the refrigerator.” -College professor

“My son’s more AD/HD than I am. I’m a human being; he’s a human doing.” -40-year-old RN

“Trying to hold him as a child was like trying to cuddle a four-wheel-drive truck.” -Mother of AD/HD child

“I live in a Post-It note hell!” -AD/HD patient

“At the ripe old age of 52 I attended my first conference on AD/HD….everyone around me was spilling coffee, losing their hotel key, and getting lost. I was home!” -AD/HD patient